Neurotically Yours: Episode # 061: Foamy's Rant I

Heeeey, how’s it going? I’m not sure about the rest of you, but I’m tired of going into fast food restaurants and seeing little fat-kins approved menus!! Go fuck yourself with a fucking loaf of bread! Stop shoving this fat-kins thing in my face! When I go get fast food, I know its bad for me, but I don’t care, I like it, and I’m gonna eat it, I don’t wanna have to see signs, reminding me of, how bad of a diet I’m on.

“You’re not eating right, so we’re gonna have to put fat-kins approved menus on there for people who want to eat an alternative healthy lifestyle.”

You wanna eat an alternative healthy lifestyle? Grow some vegetables in your backyard, pick em, and eat em, and make your own damn salad! Stop cluttering up my fat filled menu, with your stupid low carb crap! Okay?

For all the dieting you people do, for all the makeovers and all that other crap that you people do to make yourselves all attractive…You’re all gonna grow old, you’re all gonna get wrinkles…And you will all, eventually die, so yeah, the super size fries aren’t good for you, but neither are the fucking pesticides in your salad alright. So, basically we’re all choosing how we’re gonna die, let me kill myself in peace, okay? You fucking controlling bastards!

These are the same type of people who spew out a fact sheet of everything that’s gonna go wrong with your body because you had to have the large fries. You know what? Next time someone tells you the health ramifications of the food you’re eating, why don’t you tell them about the health ramifications of you stabbing them in the throat? Maybe that’ll shut em up, and you can enjoy your meal.

And…shifting gears for a second…why is it that every time I’m watching a commercial for a movie; some fucking critic has to call it, “riveting”? “The film is riveting!” What the fuck does that mean? Riveting!? I don’t want riveting! Everything is riveting to these fucking critics! And I don’t give two shits if fucking…that fat bastard and that other guy, sticks his thumb up into the air! No one gives a shit if some dumb fat guy with glasses “approves, or disapproves, of a movie. Well, I thought the cinematography was quite interesting and”…Shut the fuck up!

Shut up, put your thumb down, and stop eating the popcorn! Let me watch the film first, before my head gets filled with this nonsensical critiquing from some body who just sat around his whole life, and watched movies in his house!

Just because you’ve seen everything, doesn’t mean you understand it. Shut…up!

This guy sticks his thumb in the air like he’s fucking Caesar like his review means anything, to anybody, and God forbid if I come across somebody that says “well you know, they gave it two thumbs up” well you know what, here’s one finger up! Okay? I’m not going to see this movie with you! You fucking bastard! Cause then, you know, you go to see the movie with this fucker, and they come out, “huh, that thumb guy was right, the cinematography wasn’t so great.”

Yeah, okay, then you gotta kill him with a bucket of popcorn, and you know want ensues after that…police, broomsticks, it’s a whole ordeal, and you don’t need that!

I’m going to the movies by myself…leave me alone!

And if there’s fat-kins approved popcorn at the snack bar…I’m killing everyone!

Good Day To You!!!