Saturday, October 15, 2005

Neurotically Yours: Episode # 043: FAT-KINS

i am not becoming neurotic,demented or whatsoever you think i'm becoming.

the following post is the rants of a demented squirrel


FOAMY:

OK, I'M FUCKIN' SICK OF THIS FAT-KINS DIET. YOU FUCKIN' CARB COUNTING ASSHOLES REALLY

NEED TO STOP. ALL I HEAR OUT OF EVERYONE'S MOUTH IS, OH I CAN'T EAT THAT, IT HAS

CARBS.... WELL YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU NEED CARBS, IF YOU DON'T HAVE CARBS YOUR BRAIN

ROTS AND YOUR LIVER GETS DAMAGED. NICE. YOUR THIN, AND HAVE SOME WEIRD ASS MENTAL

DISSEASE AND A BAD LIVER. YEP, THE VANITY IS WORTH IT.

I'M ALSO SICK OF THIS FUCKIN' EXCHANGE PROGRAM, WHERE YOU MINUS THE FIBER GRAMS

FROM THE FAT GRAMS AND THE CARB GRAMS, TO DETERMINE WHAT THE CARB RATIO IS IN

YOUR FOOD. FUCK THAT. WHEN I PICK UP FOOD I'M NOT GONNA START DOING ADDITION AND

SUBTRACTION TO SEE IF IT'S A FUCKIN' MEAL I CAN EAT. HOW ABOUT JUST MINUSING SOME

FUCKIN' FOOD FROM YOUR EVERY DAY EATING BINGES YOU FAT BASTARDS. STOP LOOKING TO

SOME DEAD MAN FOR A QUICK FIX DIET AND JUST EAT LIKE A SESIBLE HUMAN BEING.

YOU NEVER SEE ANY FAT SQUIRRLES DO YA?

WHY?

BECAUSE WE EXCERSICE BY JUMPING FROM TREE TO TREE AND ONLY EAT NUTS. AND THE

OCATIONAL BAGEL THAT SOMEONE THROWS OUT.

STOP BEING SO CONCERNED ABOUT YOUR IMAGE AND JUST BE YOURSELF. IF YOUR A FAT

BASTARD, FINE, BE A FAT BASTARD. IF YOU'RE AN ANOREXIC JACK-ASS WITH A THYROID

PROBLEM, FINE...BE A TWIG. STOP DOING ALL THESE UNNESSECARY DIETS.

CAUSE YOU KNOW, ONCE YOU GET DOWN TO YOUR GOAL WEIGHT, YOU'RE GONNA BE LIKE:

"SURE, I CAN HAVE AN EXTRA PIECE OF CAKE, LOOK AT ALL THE WEIGHT I LOST. THEN BEFORE

YOU KNOW IT, RRRRRRWEEEEEEEETT. BACK ON A DIET CAUSE YOUR ASS IS FALLIN' OUT OF

YOUR JEANS.

JUST BE YOURSELF. EAT THAT TWINKIE. ENJOY THAT CAKE, BUY THAT EXTRA POUND OF

GOURMET CREAM CHEESE YOU ALWAYS WANTED!!! AND IF PEOPLE LOOK AT YOU FUNNY

BECAUSE YOU'RE TOO FAT OR TOO SKINNY, TELL EM TO FUCK OFF AND DIE. YOU DO NOT NEED

TO ADHERE TO THE IDEALISTIC VISION OF BEAUTY MARKETED BY FASHION MAGAZINES AND

NEGATIVELY RE-NFORCED BY A SOCIETY DUMB ENOUGH TO BELIEVE THAT BEAUTY ONLY

APPEARS ON THE COVER OF A MAGAZINE.

FUCK THEM ALL!!!

NOW WEARS MY WAFFLE SUNDAE?

Copyright: Jonathan Ian Mathers: 2004.

www.illwillpress.com

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